To be someone for someone
is the romantic’s mundane vision.
To be someone for everyone
is the Bodhisattva’s supramundane vision.- Stonepeace
Zeph encountered the ‘perfect’ girl one day. She was browsing in a bookstore. She seemed perfect in every way visible. Her looks, her mannerisms, her dressing… And even her book choices were delightfully of good sophisticated taste. As Zeph looked up from his book from where he sat, he shuddered at the realisation that he could hardly keep his eyes off her. And he further shuddered at the fact that it was because he really couldn’t see anything displeasing about her. The words, ‘the one’ echoed in his mind. If she isn’t ‘the one’, who else could it be? He thought of the lamest excuses to strike up a conversation, before realising how incredibly superficial he was to be attracted by mere appearances. Yet he wondered what goodness beneath the appearances he would miss if he didn’t get to know her better. He imagined being with her happily ever after. Was it possible? Even if she was utterly perfect in every way, spiritually and physically, he wasn’t. They would not match, and he would feel ashamed. She would never let him down but he would always let her down. What he wanted, he decided, was not someone perfect, but to become someone perfect, who also inspires others towards perfection.
But true perfection, not being surface, should be beyond looks – and in terms of character. She seemed so perfect that he couldn’t bear to approach her… lest the beautiful illusion gets shattered. What she represented was the possibility of perfection. That seemed good enough in the moment. No lustful attachment; just pure inspiration. How wonderful! Maybe she is a manifestation of a Bodhisattva here to teach him? Resonance with images of the enlightened is there only when the possibility of perfection is within us! Adele had painfully sang of a lost love, ‘Never mind, I’ll find someone like you.’ Not that it’s impossible to find or refind a dream lover, but how about becoming like the person you yearn to be with, to end the anguish once and for all? Do you really want someone perfect or to become someone perfect? Being with someone you like is never as fulfilling as becoming the one you would like to be. There will always be more appealing people out there as long as you do not become better yourself. This reminded Zeph of something from this movie, where a guy kept pursuing the girl of his dreams, before realising he had become the guy of everyone’s dreams through genuine transformation…
In that film ‘Groundhog Day’, Rita (played by Andie MacDowell) asked Phil (Bill Murray), ‘What do you want?’ Phil replied, ‘What I really want is someone like you.’ Phil was at first an obnoxiously egocentric person, while Rita was the nicest person he had ever met – his mirror opposite. On another occasion, Phil confessed to Rita, ‘The first time I saw you, something happened to me. I never told you, but I knew I wanted to hold you as hard as I could. I don’t deserve someone like you.’ Thus was Phil’s suffering – from wanting someone like Rita, whom he felt out of his league. However, as he got to famously relive the same day in the story, with himself as the central element of change, who in turn changes his situations via his interactions, he begins to want less of Rita in a selfish way, as he betters himself in a more selfless way. In the goodness of Rita, he saw how nasty he was in contrast, of how he could be good as well. Though they came to be together, Phil realised he no longer ‘needed’ Rita in a possessive sense. By the end, he had evolved to become someone as nice as Rita herself, as influenced by her example and his own potential for change. The director calls this ‘the Buddhist lovers’ story’!
The unenlightened might inspire
attachment, aversion and delusion in the unenlightened.
The enlightened only inspire
generosity, compassion and wisdom in the unenlightened.- Stonepeace
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Zeph Stories
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Many heartwrenching love stories share the common trait of heartbreak – due to miscommunication, which happens in two ways – not communicating one’s true thoughts and feelings in time, and wrongly assuming what the other’s true thoughts and feelings are. The only way to heal such heartaches is… yes, you guessed it – communication. With the world being tightly interconnected by the net today, it is much easier to trace the hearts you have broken, and the ones whom your heart had broken over… to re-communicate, to set the record right, even if it is just for the record, so as to have a sense of closure. Closure, however, does not mean all is over for good, for true closure opens new doors of karmic affinity too, offering new possibilities. Even if romantic love is now out of the question, isn’t genuine friendship possible? Why let a relationship become estranged and wasted over misunderstandings when you can clear the air? It would be truly heartbreaking if they are not resolved in time – when one party departs before the other. Do communicate while there is still time! It doesn’t matter if what you wish to communicate is well received or not, as long as you convey it sincerely, freeing yourself from regret.